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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me serving as her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest helping her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who execute that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: observing the details, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to industry events was my method of offering access, giving her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can achieve: an opening. I understand not everyone enjoys being on camera, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a clip now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She must to honor her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?